BLOG: Why Wealthy Men Choose This Arrangement and Why I Do Not Feel Bad About It 

The Question That Never Goes Away

People often ask me the same thing:

Why do men repeatedly spend five figures to travel with me, or simply to sit beside me, talk, and do absolutely nothing?
Closely behind follows the moral interrogation: Do I feel bad about what I do? Do I feel guilty about their potential infidelity?

The honest answer is no. Or, more precisely, I do not care.

The truth is far simpler. Dating high end escorts, offers extraordinary value. It is, for many men, a genuine life hack. And in every meaningful sense, I play more than fair. 

The rest of this piece explains why.

Before We Begin: Who This Is For
A Note on Social Context

This article is written for a very specific audience: the upper-middle class and above. It reflects the world my clients inhabit and the world I grew up in. If something feels unfamiliar, return to this note. I am solely referring to women who are privileged enough to receive elite education. Relationship dynamics change as one moves across social and cultural strata, and everything I describe corresponds to the environment I know.

A Decade in the Expat World
A Traditional Marriage Model Disguised as Modern Life

I have spent more than a decade inside the Singapore expat community, beginning back in middle school. These families exist comfortably within the upper-middle or upper class, and over time I observed a pattern that is impossible to ignore: beneath their global polish lies a profoundly traditional division of labor.

The wife stays home or earns a small fraction of what the husband does. Yes, I do respect households where the wife is just as competent as the husband; however, statistically, they are in the minority.  This is not only because her Dependent Pass forbids employment; most of the time it is a voluntary withdrawal from the workforce. Even when work is allowed, most choose not to pursue careers at all. Instead, they drift toward passion projects : small boutiques or flower shops that bleed money year after year, quietly subsidized by the husband’s income. 

The Economics of Domesticity
Yes, Domestic Work Has Value. But Value Is Not Infinite.

Many people insist that domestic labor is undervalued. That claim holds some truth, but mostly one tier below, where both spouses earn under five figures monthly and household contributions mirror each other more closely.
In the world I describe, however, domestic work has a very clear ceiling.

If one calculates the hourly rate of the tasks involved: the cleaner (often already hired), the preschool teacher (often outsourced), the family chef,  Christmas dinner organizer, the combined total rarely exceeds a few thousand dollars. It does not translate into mansions or seasonal Birkins.

And I am being generous because in many cases, the women performing these roles do not possess the professional competency associated with these professions. I have seen more than one of them attempt to re-enter the workforce after a divorce, only to be rejected time and again because she simply did not meet the basic qualifications.

Love, Connection, Companionship 

Or the Illusion of It

OR that people claim these wives offer love and emotional connection. But when examined closely, the argument begins to crumble: From experience, I often have little to discuss with many expat wives, even those with impeccable academic credentials. Years spent in domestic isolation, limited social engagement, and minimal intellectual challenge inevitably erode one’s conversational and cognitive sharpness. Meaningful dialogue becomes difficult unless one shares their lifestyle. I simply don’t have much to talk about with someone who cries and breaks down after three unsuccessful condo viewings, can spend hours discussing another female neighbor's lip fillers (repeated 5 times) and failed hair perming, or who might be cheating, or generally processes things more slowly. (all are real life examples). Please enlighten me if you would still classify this as a “genuine connection.”

This is why all my female friends are working professionals, and why I gravitate naturally toward elite professional men instead of trust fund kids (who can also be elite professionals, are the exemption) when dating. Intellectual compatibility cannot be bought; it can only be found. Interestingly, many of these high-achieving women also overlap with the LGBTQ+ community.

As of for "love & companionship", let us be honest: upper-middle-class marriages are some of the most transactional relationships in existence. People date with financial expectations in mind. Some attend prestigious universities precisely to position themselves for a wealthy partner. Nearly every major decision becomes a negotiation: prenups, childbirth plans, legal strategy, division of assets, alimony. Within this construct, the spouse allowance is simply one more line item (and that's all we are asking for: compensation for our time). Nothing more. No domestic obligations, no being calculative, no entanglement of lives. Ironically, this clarity makes it easier, not harder, for genuine affection to grow.

Appearance, Self-Maintenance & the Quiet Collapse of Confidence
The Incentives Could Not Be More Different

I rarely comment on appearance, but here it is central to the discussion, since I hardly find other redeeming values to justify. Many allow their physical condition to deteriorate, because marriage laws ensure their long-term security regardless. Actually, I take that back. Most were fairly average-looking even when they were younger. Just as they don't have the skill to become a professional chef or a professional cleaner, most are not qualified to be a high end escort even if they want to, either. It’s unfortunate how many choose the easier lifestyle and forgo any form of professional training, even after graduating from an elite school: it can harm their confidence, sanity and ultimately becomes a waste of their degree.

In my world, that luxury does not exist. If we stop being attractive, engaging, or interesting, we cease to exist professionally. This creates a powerful incentive to maintain our best selves. Personally, this is not a burden though, sustaining my appearance has only increased my confidence.

Meanwhile, insecurity thrives among those who are supposedly protected. One former friend made a huge fuss that she feared her husband might divorce her simply because his female colleagues were fit, confident, and well dressed. Their sense of safety is far more fragile than it appears. I suppose this is what happens when someone has far too much free time.

Reproduction, Surrogacy & the Unspoken Double Standard
Who Is Really “Using Their Body for Money”?

This may sound blunt, but my observations have reshaped how I think about surrogacy. To me, commercial surrogacy is not inherently unethical anymore as long as the women involved are fairly compensated and legally protected. I grew up in a city where commercial surrogacy was not only legal but well paid.

Meanwhile, in the expat world, I have repeatedly seen women intentionally baby-trap wealthy partners and later use the child as leverage for additional funds.

If we are being honest, is that not also using one’s womb for financial gain?

The only difference is that one method is transparent, while the other hides behind the language of family.

The Larger Structure at Work
Patriarchy Rewards Dependence and Punishes Independence

However, solely blaming individual women misses the deeper issue.

The patriarchy is designed to keep wealthy and privileged women who has access to education out of the workforce, ensuring high-status professions remain male dominated. In several projects I have been the only woman present, not occasionally, but repeatedly. The system offers women a comfortable, low-pressure life in exchange for their independence, leaving them vulnerable to any major life shift.

 

In the United States, only about 25 percent of individuals earning above two hundred thousand dollars are women. The figure is likely even lower across Asia. Meanwhile, high-earning women are penalized in divorce settlements, while women who stay home often receive lifelong maintenance, especially in Singapore.

The message could not be clearer: society directs women toward domesticity, child-bearing, not empowerment.

Why This Arrangement Works
A Fair Exchange in an Unfair System

Ultimately, the arrangement we offer costs wealthy men far less than a traditional upper-middle-class marriage while providing far more in return: beauty, intelligence, easier connection and more common topics.  Several of the men I see understand this completely, which is why they choose to spend DAYS with me. While I maintain my freedom and confidence. 

And I do not owe anyone anything. I contribute to society in tangible ways. I maintain an established civ career, pay A LOT of taxes (quote from a former acquaintance from above example : "I never made enough to worry about tax!"), invest in bonds and property, and maybe one day purchase children through surrogacy and genetic planning (I don't know if I am being sarcastic anymore).

It is, in many respects, an arrangement that serves everyone involved.